i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
