Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
