I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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