Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
