We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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