She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
