ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
