i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
