weddingsv make me drug and hornr
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
