so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
