we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
