Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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