yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
