I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
