Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
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