I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
