I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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