I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
