she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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