This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize