it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
