So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
