Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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