1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Bring me that man meat
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
