you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
