I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
