Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
