I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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