If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
