i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
