summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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