John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm both gender and math confused
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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