i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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