i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
