Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think people are normalizing furries
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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