Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
