I think I died a long time ago.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize