I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
