As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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