i need an iv and a liver transplant
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
