Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
