Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
