also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
