guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
