i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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