just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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