Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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