I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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