Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He has the fingertips of a God
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