Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize