Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
