I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
