I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
