What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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