Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize