I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
