we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
