I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
