Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize