the condom got lost in my hair
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
