that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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