I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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