he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
