I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
