Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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